Why I can’t wait to be a fully evolved MAMIL

Last week, I spent more time going to a shop to pick up a wheel that I couldn’t get to seal than I did in the saddle. The longest ride I have managed in the last year is 40 miles, and every single day I can look out of my window and see my favourite climb in the UK, which I manage to do roughly once per month. 

It is why I can completely empathise with a certain Tom Hanks, who says that 35 is the worst age: “Your metabolism stops, gravity starts tearing you down, your bones start wearing off [and] you stand differently”, he said in an interview with Entertainment Tonight. “You no longer are able to spring up off a couch.”

I’d have to agree with Mr Hanks. I have just passed 35, and can unequivocally say two things that people under 30 would see as opposed to one another:

1. I am in the worst shape of my life
2. I enjoy my time on the bike more than I ever have

I know that my age means I am already defined as a Middle-Aged Man in Lycra - or MAMIL - to many, and for people in the comments section of the Daily Mail, MAMILs have been people to mock and laugh at for decades. “Oh the shame of being married to a MAMIL (that's a Middle Aged Man In Lycra)” was an article written 10 years ago.

> 20 of the most hysterical Daily Mail anti-cycling headlines

It’s a bit of throwaway banter journalism, a man posing with an ‘expensive bike’ and a woman looking frustrated. It’s meant to be harmless, but ultimately it’s saying that if you’re over a certain age and you’re a keen cyclist, then you are figure of fun. 

Unfortunately, this banter has become pretty synonymous. It feeds into the narrative that somebody choosing to ride a bike doesn’t need to be taken seriously, which then impacts behaviours towards cyclists on the road; however, I don’t see MAMILs as figures of fun. As a busy dad in his mid-30s, they’re very much an aspiration.

Your mid-30s are that time when many of us will have young children. It’s when you may have a large mortgage, and it’s when you start having more responsibilities at work. It is also the time when your metabolism seems to disappear, and the time you have to yourself to exercise shrinks dramatically. 

That’s me. I am bang in the middle of that right now with two kids aged four and one, a large mortgage for the house I had to move to because my small flat was no longer big enough, and the word ‘senior’ suddenly appearing in front of my 9-5 job title. My metabolism hasn’t so much started to decline, more gone full cannonball into an empty swimming pool too. 

So at the moment, trying to get into any kind shape that makes me look like I did at 30 is almost unachievable. The dream is just to have the time to potentially get into that shape again. When I can dedicate the time to getting genuinely fit again, when I can spend an entire Saturday morning on a ride, and when I can dedicate some time every week to physical self-improvement will be milestone. 

We live in a bizarre society that seems to celebrate mocking others for trying to improve themselves, with a commentary of ‘you’re not professional, why are you dressed like one?’ showing complete ignorance of how any sport works. If I were to play football in a pair of jeans and loafers rather than the proper kit, people would look at me like I was insane. If I cycle in the best kit for it, I get told that I’m an embarrassment. 

I actually cannot wait until I am a fully-fledged MAMIL. Not for anything outward facing or to look for external acceptance, but because it will be the point at which I know I have got through the difficult middle, and beginning to come out the other side.