étape tour 2016

know how your feel S13 and it ruined two climbs for me but you have to do the best. Remeber in the mountains you could easily get the worse conditions possible in summer. Even then I would prefer the heat to cold, wet and wind on the descents.

Training for the climbing is one thing but preparing for the heat is impossible.

I was in no way, shape or form prepared for the heat or it's impact on me. It's happened twice now, including the Pyrenees this month.

I'm clearly more of a Spring Classics sort of fella

Oh yeah, pacing. You can't train adequately for hills in this country. You just can't. Spend as much of your time as possible climbing hills, but the physical demands of a 20 minute hill, which is about the limit of what you can easily find in most of the UK (depending on your speed!) are just totally different to those of spending two to two and a half hours on the same climb. The pace you can go up one is *completely unrelated* to the pace you can go up the other. Don't even think about matching the heart-rate, or power output, or speed over the ground, or whatever.

Your best bet for direct training; use the turbo. Put the front wheel on the stairs, or a concrete block or something, stick the resistance to high, and build up to spending an hour or two churning away in the sweet spot.

Also, descending the hills. Read all the things, and figure out what you're supposed to be doing, then as far as possible when you get there, do it. There is simply no way at all to replicate a long mountain descent on UK roads or a trainer.

Again, solving all of these problems is a huge part of the thrill and satisfaction of doing the Etape.

They seem to be trying to make them as little point-to-point as possible in recent years. Which obviously aids logistics.

I've done it the last two years, with Sports Tours International. Travelled off my own bat (my parents have a flat in Nice where I can stay a few weeks and (a) acclimatise (b) do some training rides on the Madone to get used to high-Col pacing, of which more later), but used them to book accommodation and - the second time - entry.

So I obviously can't comment on flights, bike transfers, etc., but the accommodation was spot on on both occasions, reps couldn't have been more helpful and informative, and the extra food stops were great. Because Pau-Hautacam had a significant distance between start and finish we were reliant on a coach to get back to the hotel, which inevitably led to grumbling; but that was I think mostly due to the giant traffic jam we were stuck in, and the fuckwitted hired driver. Nothing at all they could have done about it, at least not without charging the kind of prices which would subsidise supplying their own coaches and drivers. I'm looking at both next year's Marmotte and Etape (depending on the route) and wouldn't have the slightest hesitation about using them again.

In neither year did I find it too busy to enjoy, but I had a comparatively early start pen both times. I did meet a few people this year who got stuck for a while behind multiple crashes on the first descent, and struggled as far as they went with the cut-off time as a result. But there's a big plus to the numbers, which is that the locals treat it as a dress-rehearsal for the Tour proper; loads of people out in the street cheering you, brass bands and childrens' choirs as you go through towns, kids handing out newspapers as you start descents, crowds cheering at the finish; at one point I stalled when someone fell in front of me while I was changing gear, and two guys ran out and pushed me along 'til I shifted. In short, the closest thing to the real deal that you'll ever get. Swings and roundabouts.

Both of them were tough, really tough. 2014 was raining and two degrees at the top of the Tourmalet; climbing was quite pleasant, but the descent was hellish. Within a few hundred yards I couldn't feel my hands. I had to stop a few times to shake feeling back into them. Braking in hairpins was physically really difficult. About a third of the field abandoned coming down that hill, it was pure carnage.

That was, then, the hardest thing I'd ever done. This year was *much* tougher. I got up the first climb beautifully, and since I'm usually not strong until at least the second hour of a long ride, thought I was going fine. But I started on that at about 7.30 am. By the time I hit the Glandon, it was nearly eleven. 37-39 degree heat, with a brand new, therefore pitch black, therefore oven-like road surface blasting the heat back in your face. And I couldn't keep down solid food.

Toussuire was as bad. I had to sit down with heatstroke twice; when you think to yourself "this is like riding a bike" while riding a bike, you need to stop riding your bike until you can distinguish reality and imagination again.

It was genuinely hellish. It was completely awesome. Beautiful scenery, legendary climbs, your body absolutely refusing to keep going, and the satisfaction of showing it your will is stronger.

The worst thing I've ever done and, like I say, I'm itching to do it again. YMMV.

I did it this year, my first one. I booked off my own back and then booked my flight and accommodation very soon after. I managed to get a cheap rental using the HomeAway website. I decided to base myself in the valley rather than at the finish.

The advantage of this approach was that I had a longer trip so time to do more riding. I think it helped my legs and confidence to do a couple of climbs and descents before the main event and get used to the conditions (specifically the heat).

Of course this year the route was almost circular so I only had the small matter of a 15km descent and 10km flat ride (in the rain!) to get back home at the end. If the stage next year is more point to point you'd probably need to book accommodation at the finish or have some other plan to get back to the start. That's where a package starts to look a better plan I guess.

With Colin, I have entered the Marmotte for next year with Col Conquerors (who do not do an Etape one). Basically if it is your dream to do it, google it and book it as more tour companies you find are basically the same.

I know they are bloody tough but you will ever only find out by doing it !

No matter what anyone says for each individual you get your own experience to go through it.

I would advise though if you have not ridden proper climbs before and practiced descending you will need to do that.

Do you always post in haiku?

Did the Marmotte. That was super tough. But now I want to do it again, and train for it this time. So I would say 'do it', and regret it later.

Ronan Pensec, not Roman...

I went through Roman Pensec Travel - well organised with good food and great mechanics. I did this years event and it was very hard and very hot - 40 degrees riding up mountains is quite a test. I'm not sure I would do it again unless I was in 7000 or 8000 pens. Its too tight to meet the cutoffs especially if you are delayed by accidents etc. It is an amazing experience and the village at the finishing line is ace. Dont underestimate the training