Ill

• All bikes cleaned and lubed - check.
• Even the winter-grimed hack-bike - check.
• All punctured tubes mended - check.
• The brake cable that had the tiny hang-nail of wire by the caliper-bolt that's been annoying me for a year, replaced - check.
• That slightly loose front hub nipped up - check.
• Graunchy freehub investigated - check.
• All coffee-shops within a wheezing half-hour phlegm-loosening, dry-hack-inducing ride tested and reviewed. Vital cappuccino quality/bun selection/pretty waitress ratio noted - check.
• Event entrance-fees wasted - check.
• Friends training in earnest so they can unleash a special kind of pain on me when I'm finally back on the bike - check.
• Being asked "Have you been taking Echinacea" ten times a day by idiots - check.
• Stopped looking at Metcheck - er, check.
• Stared out the window at the sunshine - check.
• Legs atrophying - check.
• Bulk gently sedimenting elsewhere - check.
• Bouncing off the walls, irritable, grumpy, fed up - check.
• Sense of self, collapsed - check.