New Forest Authority claims cyclists poo on village greens

Intae the wids amongst the trees.
Tam bared his erse, his cheeks to ease.
Nae sinner hud his breeks gan doon.
Than shitty flees were swarming roon.
Intae the wind he bared his baws
And from his erse a big keech faws.
The reek it curled amoungst the trees.
‘twis enough tae make the birdies sneeze.
An’ a’ the bees on bended knees,
Got sick a fricht o’ Tams big erse.

Big Tam wis in awfy pain.
It came oot his erse like a nine pund wean.
Thur wis a tear faw fi’ his eee
For a bigger shite you’d never see.

Big Tams erse wis raw an sair.
Says big Tam I’ll shite nae mair.
Yonder it lay amoungst the grit.
A dirty stinkin’ muckle shit.

Yonder it lat si saft, si fresh.
Nae een, nae teeth, nae brains, nae flesh.
I swear it never drew a breath.
Tams Muckle Turd.

So cyclists poo on a village green while marathoners poo on London's streets?

Found myself laughing at the quotes here , "Some of them go very fast and it’s only a matter of time before an old person is hit by a cycle".

Did these come from a real person or some sort of automated cycling-menace-cliche machine?

Finding toilet paper with the feces is solid evidence that a bike rider is not involved. Who ever rides with toilet paper? But this story is a good example of how an out-group is automatically assigned blame.

"Some of them go very fast and it’s only a matter of time before an old person is hit by a car"

Change 1 word and it's clear how silly this statement is.

"racing on the public highway and shouting abuse at anyone who gets in their way"
.... and motorists never beep their horn aggressively at anyone do they?
im not saying two wrongs make a right, but this does feel a bit like a few anti-cyclists trying to stop cyclists enjoying themselves

"driving at 30mph and overtaken by a cyclist"
.. yea.. and? whats the problem with that?

"Some of them go very fast and it’s only a matter of time before an old person is hit by a cycle."
.... so cars dont go fast and hit old people then? cars even hit young and fit pedestrians too!

... i could go on, but i'll spare you

Quote:

“Some of them go very fast and it’s only a matter of time before an old person is hit by a cycle.

Oh no! There is a potential for a collision, what about the collisions between people of all ages and cars? By this logic we should ban all cars, after all they kill far more pedestrians than cyclists...

Interesting comments & reminds me of upsetting the neighbours by playing football with my mates on the village green back in the day when I was in short trousers.

I think I would rather aviod the area & ride somewhere more appealing like Syria or Palestine.....

On a more serious note though, I have avoided sportives in the area because of the grief you can get (friends have had this). There are far better areas further along the coast where we can spend our dosh instead.

Lord knows how he would cope with living Trafford. At least twice a month the whole road system/metro/pavements are gridlocked by people who watch football. They mostly don't even live here!!

Hurrah! At last, someone with some common sense (@700c). Also, perhaps it's time to remove any form of timing by the organisers of sportives. It would remove any accusations of 'racing' by those outside the sport. If you want a time, do it yourself.

Sounds like a load of crap to me.

Someone had to say it.

I understand Mike Sinyard is developing a function specific integrated excrement collection area into the back of the 2014 range of cycling shorts that will allow all cyclists ( not just Greg LeMond ) to employ on the fly bowel fullness adjustment whilst riding.

Its going to be a heavily-patented system called "Poubaix"

For urination there's a cable operated remote cock out lever and variable damping.

I guess we can be grateful there are no wild bears in the New Forest then?

It's a forest. Surely there are some trees to go behind!

Its not a good ride if I dont get to shit on a village green during the ride. Dont these nincompoops know anything about cycling

“I’m not anti-cycling but these big, money-making events are getting out of control. The problem has not been managed, it’s simply being looked at in retrospect.”

I can guarantee this person also often uses the phrase " I'm not a racist, but...."

Usual one side bollocks here.
Of course too many events are negative for the locals. Are some of you too daft to see that? Of course and its proven that too high a proportion of riders see their time as the priority.
Usual political bias. And just why does the party politics have to be involved. Its the sodding lefty hippies that cause problems round here. Nowt to do with it.
Can you reasonably see the promoter backing the council? Of course not, it would affect his bank balance and lets not forget that why he and Wiggle do it.
Not for one moment suggesting that the resident's are 100% right just that both side needs to be taken into account and this sort of thread here seems to attract the unthinking and inconsiderate. And people wonder why I feel that cycling is going down hill.

I really do think the balance should be redressed here. Hold a couple of motorcycle raleighs and a couple of 4x4 treasure hunts maybe a vintage commercial vehicle parade round the lanes.....

It happens to the best of us. You're grimacing like Sally Gunnell and trying to hang on til the finish. But there's no hope. Get off, prop the bike up, take some bog roll out of a jersey pocket, take off the jersey, unroll the bib tights down to the knees, and squat down to enter a world of transcendental bliss.

And then a moment of blind, panicking realization.

Not a portaloo. It's a village green. And there's a pond, with ducks. Very disapproving ducks. And there's a game of cricket, and they've all stopped for tiffin, and everyone's turned round to look at you and dropped their cups of tea to see a row of cyclists squatting with their bib tights around their knees.

It's okay. It's okay. We've all been there.

I don't believe your correct in the assumption that cyclist do not have to comply with speed limits. I could be wrong though. I did set off speed camera once however I think it was the strobe rear light that did it as I was only doing about 34mph.

Being overtaken at 30 isn't an issue, bikes aren't subject to speed limits.... As for taking a dumping on village greens, why not report it at the time?? And as for racing on the public roads, where else are races going to happen?? (crits and circuit races aside obviously)

hahahahaha!

Some proper funny comments!

Yep come on low speed wobble, it's all banter on a cycling website. However what I don't agree with is human poo being splattered all over my down tube soo sticky.
I was so tied up in the bib tights last week on Richmond Common my butt looked like a piece of toast with Nutella.

I was driving a car at 30 mph once and another car passed me! The next week, the same thing happened again. We definitely need to get rid of these things called cars. I've heard that there are people driving cars that REPEATEDLY break the speed limit. They are totally out of control.

Some of you guys really should read what you've written here. How can you ever hope cyclists will be respected with comments like most of the above. You're a disgrace, and an embarrassment to the rest of us. When I ride I'd like to feel I'm part of a respected section of society, not a foul-mouthed ill-mannered fool such as many of you have revealed yourselves to be.