Where's daddy going?

to get back to the original post..
our kids are a little older (13+) my wife now comes out with me, so it's a case of "where are mummy and daddy going"..snigger , guffaw , etc. this is great for all of us, as the kids get some freedom from we parents and we get some freedom from the kids!
my missus has lost weight, gained fitness and descends like a demon...on the bike. the kids are more independent and we are all seeing the benefit of getting out on two wheels and doing something outside of the general family stuff. We don't belong to a cycling club , but we do ride with a Triathlon club which adds some pep to our rides..we have to push to keep up,they're a competitive bunch..but it's good to push hard and we both know we have improved. and the kids wonder what all the fuss is about....

A lot of our guys sit in the wheels and wait for the sprint at the end. That's all over too quickly, much better to get a proper move on 20 minutes before - when cars don't pass anymore I know we're flying!

+1 for night riding - we now have a group of 5 or 6 who head out on Thursdays at 8pm for 2 - 2 1/2 hrs. Most of us have the £20 eBay Cree LED's. Nightriding is far more relaxed - hardly any traffic, and they don't know what you are or think you're a combine harvester or something so often pull right over and stop. Heh.

I went from training 5 times a week in one sport, to doing nowt as I got to the age where 'life' takes priority. Just make sure you plan in your time to still enjoy cycling and keeping fit, as it will benefit you and your kids when they're old enough to go out with dad. I just stopped completely for almost 2 years, got fat and right miserable! Now I know it's important to plan in advance and find time; to get in some exercise and to keep periodically doing something you enjoy.

I have a question for you though Sam; I just read your blog entry on your BC point gained last year, saw you mention your physical turnaround. I'm on a similar turnaround, going from rugby player to cyclist.
At what point did you join a club, and feel comfortable to keep with their weekly routes? I'm out around the Bathgate hills, 40-50k every Sunday, climbing around 500m gain but doing it at a casual 22/23 kph. No real reason to hurry - I like to cycle and look around as I do it.

I think I would struggle to ride at 24 mph for example, as you mentioned is the speed of your chaingang. How did you bridge from the point where you were losing weight and able to get up climbs, to being able to maintain a high pace and being competent at climbs?
Right now I think I need the challenge of a group and pace-setting to push me, but if I joined a club I'd get dropped on the climbs so it'd be kind of pointless.

I adopt the late night ride approach too, that way I get to do all the fun stuff like bath time, story time and bedtime. Then I don my lycra and head out for a couple of hours. I live in a fairly rural area so can see any cars from miles away, just have to keep a keen eye for foxes, badgers and bunnies.

change your plan, start doing audax? why take one day away from the kids when you can do three!

Really great post. I don't race, but am in a similar situation with fitting rides (and running) in with family time. I can never seem to drag myself out of bed early enough at the weekends to get a proper early start for my ride though

When my wife went back to work after having our first (who's now 6) we decided to both reduce our hours at work and switch to 4 days. I stay home on a Monday and my wife's home on a Friday. That worked brilliantly and gave us both quality time with our daughter before she started school, and now our son (2.5yrs). When he starts school in a couple of years, I'm going to carry on with a 4 day week, and I'll have a day to myself every week when I can go out riding all day without it affecting anyone else

I distinctly remember the shift from waking up on a Sunday morning and seeing a beautiful summers day and instead of a sensation of joy at the prospect of the bike ride ahead, you feel bad about not being able to share that time with the kids... in many ways I prefer going out in the cold now.

This is a lovely post. Pre-kids i remember wondering what all the fuss was about, and couldn't quite understand how those of my mates who'd become dads suddenly found it so hard to get out for a ride. Now, much as i enjoy 5 hours in the saddle, it does tend to feel like a waste of some good quality time with the kids.

As for the suggestion above about getting out for a ride before the kids get up in the morning, in my case that would involve heading out for a ride at about 3am!!!

(come on...a bit of sympathy for 3 years without a lie in!! )

So many things I'd like to say having read this.

On one level its great to know I'm not alone in the battle of guilt... Guilt that self generated, guilt that the missus generates in abundance...

On the other level its depressing to know that we are all in the same boat... and that actually, from that, the consensus must be that yes, we are extracting the urine from the family unit with our selfish activities. I'd always clung to the idea that I had a high maintenance missus, and if everyone else did it, then its OK.

I've seen some gents hang up the hoops, I've seen others put their foot down, whilst others have striven for a suitable compromise. The irony of it all, is that no matter what action these gents have taken, the ones that have ultimately separated from the other half have ended up happier, with more time for the bike, and curiously, with more dedicated time with their kids.

Spending more time with the kids is why I'm hanging up the safety pins at the end of this season, but at the same time, I am already feeling guilty that by stopping the sport, I won't be showing them the joy of sport, and the importance of dedication.

You honestly can't win... I think is my point, just do what feels right and fair. Have fun.

If I was getting enough time on the bike, I was feeling guilty about not spending enough time with the kids... If I felt I was spending some quality time with the kids, I was worrying about all the work that my friends/rival racers were putting in while I was building towers out of Lego.

I don't really race, but know exactly where you are coming from here. In September 2012 I rode across the Alps, and spent much of the preceding year training for that, with a string of big sportives as prep events beforehand - also putting in mileage on days before and after those.

From late Winter onwards I was putting in a 70 or 80 mile ride every weekend - religiously. My wife and children (6, 4 and 1 at the time) were very patient with me, but 50-60 miles into a ride, knowing I was going to be out for another hour or so, I would start to worry about whether the kids were behaving, feeling the guilt of leaving my wife to deal with it all. And missing my kids.

That kind-of carried on through early last year, but then my very-tolerant wife asked me to take a year out - no sportives, no trips, nothing I would need to train for. That year started the day after the RideLondon100, and is being affectionately referred to as my 'doping ban'.

I'm a stone heavier, have only been over 50 miles once or twice since last August, but it's not been quite the torture I feared it was going to be. I guess the recent weather keeping all my mates indoors too has given me some solidarity.

I've rediscovered my mountain bike, now maintaining a happy balance between fat and skinny. I've been riding with the kids more. And I've taken on a voluntary MTB secretary role with my club, as well as getting involved with the youth coaching - my eldest attending.

I'm looking forward to my doping ban ending, but don't think I'll be planning anything that requires quite the amount of training mileage for some time.

Was in the LBS recently picking up some bits and bobs. Guy at the counter was getting his two year old son a small-person bike, because the kid kept trying to climb up onto dad's road bike.

Had had a crappy day at work, and this made my day.

There is nothing nicer than seeing your children following you at a sport of their choice and their liking (rather than being Mini-Mees, "...I never made it me lad.... but you will make it instead") and if they do choose cycling (assuming their tribe colours matches yours, i.e., them liking cross or track when you prefer Audax or road), then you could be looking forward to the green shoots of decades of shear pleasure of cycling with your kids and a bond beyond kinship and the perpetually open chequebook. Funnily enough, I got into cycling after my kids got into it, envying their Islabikes when all I had was a rusty mountain bike off eBay, and yesterday I did 17.6m with my 11y, whilst he was trying to teach me how to trackstand at every country crossroad, insisting that his MTB cleats trump my SPDs. My 13y old doesn't like riding. My 7y old is desperate to get into her cleats and do the rollers unaided.... Beats me beating myself with LSSE (low Strava Self Esteem).... I'd rather have that, than obsessive striving to convert my 16 mph average to 17mph.... But I was never good enough, let alone a racer.... And btw tennis is their primary sport.... So, for me, kids may well become my next "pass".... "We are off now darling, I got the lime for the G&Ts when we get back" (for our pre-Sunsay roast recovery grub....). Happy days....

I have wondered whether my missus wants me to sacrifice more than other guys have to, so it's nice to hear of others juggling to manage their priorities. My 4 month old twins are hard work, so I'm currently lucky to squeeze 2 30mile rides into a week.

I enjoy club rides, but think even when they're a little older, I'm not that optimistic about being able to devote an entire Sunday morning to riding. Maybe the commute, the mid-week evening club ride and a few evening club 10s are where my future is. I'd be happy with that.

I don't know how old your kids are, but mine are 6 & 7, and it does get a bit better. If nothing else you can go our riding with them!

My eldest reckons he can trackstand better than me, and my youngest was racing 'cross in the Yorkshire Points and BSCA events when he was 5!

Actually, I know we are now on the wrong time of year but cyclocross is really family friendly, often only taking up a morning and you don't need lots of endurance from long trainng rides. Likewise club 10s in the summer.

Whatever next ?

I suppose you'll be joining a cycling club and going on clubruns and stopping in cafes and chatting and just enjoying your cycling instead of head banging the whole way round your Strava segment.

Cycling doesn't have to be all about "Macho" stuff.

Great post! Despite my wife give me a pass to go riding whenever I want, I leave some Saturdays or Sundays off the bike, however, just to spend some time with her and kids.
Therefore, I have some luxury, that I work part time only and I use to go for a ride, when kids are in school. Good 2 o 3 hours in the saddle.

At last a realistic rendition of a Dad who like me has to balance life's pressures against the bike.