Live blog: Jeremy Vine right hook vid; Stanley Johnson vs Piers Morgan: Johnson snr says licensing for cyclists "a crazy idea"; Cycling April Fools (too many?); Simon Geschke reveals x-ray showing horrific Volta a Catalunya crash damage + more

We’re proud to unveil the most revolutionary triathlon racing machine the world has ever seen: the IA-UNI. 3,000 grams lighter, 457% more aerodynamic. The future is here. pic.twitter.com/5FXBYRwQDB

— Felt Bicycles (@FeltBicycles) April 1, 2019

Okay, this does looks sort of cool

Car hit me today.
He took a right turn in a way that was a little, shall we say, untidy.
Ended up on good terms, no need to take it further.
What's concerning is how no amount of alert cycling will save you from a sudden moment of total sloppiness by another road user pic.twitter.com/VnUoj6DKvV

— Jeremy Vine (@theJeremyVine) April 1, 2019

Last week, as readers of the blog, and followers of Jeremy Vine on Twitter, will know he was almost left hooked by a cab, this week a London motorist actually made contact when right hooking the broadcaster in manoeuvre he described as “untidy” in a bravura piece of understatement. Last week Twitter divided as to how culpable Vine was in contributing to the left hook near miss there’s no doubt that the driver was completely at fault in this case. 

The Oxford Mail has been getting in on the April Fool’s Day fun this morning with not one but two cycling-related spoof stories on its website.

First off is the news that the city of dreaming spires is to get what is billed as the “world’s first” Zero Cycling Zone (they clearly haven’t heard of Public Space Protection Orders).

Meanwhile, Oxford is also reported to be getting a dockless unicycle hire scheme, to be operated by a company called LOFO (geddit???!!!), with a  spokesman saying: “Having seen the problems the other companies have had with people chucking their bikes in the rivers, we have come up with an ingenious solution – our unicycles floats, so our staff will be able to collect them using big nets."

Let's Ride!
Say hello to the members of The Easy Riders cycling club!

New comedy Saddled starts today. #Saddled - https://t.co/QF60DDT67n pic.twitter.com/MtXZhsyoqy

— BBC Radio Scotland (@BBCRadioScot) April 1, 2019

New comedy focuses on the adventures of the dysfunctional Easy Riders cycling club. 

USE Ultimate is always pushing the boundaries of performance. The #NEW Fusion bar has Double Drop Technology to get you even lower and outpace the competition.
Order now on https://t.co/bVv7yQ8Vb5#rideultimate #ultimateuse #aero #cycle #roadie #cyclelife #bikeporn #aprilfool pic.twitter.com/4AdXPckM2Q

— use-exposure (@use_exposure) April 1, 2019

We reckon USE may have found excerpts from a certain bike brand's cutting room floor to get inspiration for their April Fool's effort (the name of that bike rhymes with 'fail' to give you an idea). 

Really don’t know what’s going on this season, but so far it feels like it’s cursed. Devastated pic.twitter.com/lqEXivQsMZ

— Simon Geschke (@simongeschke) March 31, 2019

The season is going from bad to worse for CCC rider Simon Geschke before it's even really started. Speedy recovery Simon... 

In topsy-turvy 2019 April Fool's is perhaps less effective than it once was, but we've had a few cycling-related funnies brought to our attention already. We'll try to post more as we get them but here are the top ones so far...

Fat Lad at the Back launch Mario Chipolata bike range. 

The new range will be made specifically for the large rider. Chipolata is known for his superior pie-to-weight ratio and chalking up over 200 victories including the Flan Remo and twelve Tour de Pub stage wins. 

Dure-Verse 12.5 speed

Online retailer Tredz have entered the groupset market with the latest drivesteain technology. Dure-Verse 12 speed lets you pedal backwards if you miss a turning and will "change your world". 

Every citizen gets a free bike in Auckland 

Would actually be a great idea if true, but bikeauckland.nz reports that the original $900m earmarked for walking and cycling infra would instead be dished out in the form of a new bike for everyone. A source said: "Look, it totally makes sense when you think about it. We’ve been operating in good faith with the idea that ‘if you build it, they will come’ – which works if you actually, you know, build it.’

"It’s just taking sooooo long. And we have a growing climate crisis to address. Hence the logic of doing it the other way around. As operators like Lime and OnzO have demonstrated, if you give people the gear, they’ll ride. And then you can build it if you need to."

Wiggle launch performance-enhancing spokey dokeys

No longer just a kids accessory from years gone by, the spokey dokey has now made a comeback in the form of a carbon fibre performance-enhancing tool, and there is also a Brexit range for those brave enough to discuss politics on the bike. Olympic cyclist Dani Rowe says: “Cyclists across the UK now have another way to express their personality to other cyclists even while they’re desperately sucking in as much oxygen as possible on the most gruelling of climbs. What’s more, since using the ‘Carbon Pro’ Spokey Dokey I’ve gone faster for longer, it really is a must have.” 

If you lived at the foot of Mont Ventoux, would you bother riding up it often? I remember chatting to a couple of riders from Bedouin cycling club, as I was preparing to climb it. They said they hadn’t been up for years. Is it a bit like Londoners visiting the Tower of London? pic.twitter.com/v9bKjNk1oq

— Ned Boulting (@nedboulting) March 31, 2019

Like a certain well-known gradient in Surrey, do Ventoux locals actually get bored of the famous cycling climb at their disposal?