Assos Equipe RS Schtradivari Bib Shorts S11 Long

The Assos Equipe RS Schtradivari Bib Shorts S11 certainly talk a good game – even if they're hard to say – and for the most part they live up to it. The semi-mobile chamois does an excellent job of combating chafing, and faults are hard to find anywhere beyond the price tag.

So what do you get for your £215? The initial answer is an almost comical volume of packaging, within which you'll eventually find a pair of bibshorts. These weigh only 178g, so I was somewhat taken aback to take delivery of a 1.6kg package.

You start with a fancy black box with two folding segments of lid, inside which you find an inch of foam padding cradling a second box and also a thick, phone-sized slab of perspex informing you that "The world's most advanced race shorts to date are now in your hands." They're not, though. Not yet.

Upon sliding that second box out of its sleeve and lifting its lid, you're greeted with a nest of tissue paper; delve inside and finally you get to some shorts, folded beneath an inscription which reads: "All consumption creates waste. To protect Earth's resources, we must end the age of waste. Theoretically, the most effective way to protect our world is to not consume anything.

"Since this is impratical [sic], we believe that consuming less, but better, is the way to go. This means manufacturers must produce less, but of better quality, and their products must fulfill a purpose other than making money. Creating something that lasts reduces repeat sales, but it also reduces the need formore [sic] resources. Assos is such a product.

"Less consumption. Less waste. Less is more."

A lecture about waste written on 1.4kg of waste? Assosstonishing.

Construction

Speaking of padding, we may as well start with the centrepiece: the chamois. This comprises multiple layers, each of which is coated in idiosyncratic tech jargon.

The 'Mineral Tec Surface' is smooth to reduce friction and irritation. After long hours in the saddle, I'd say it does the job. It's enhanced with 'GoldenGate 2.0' for "three-dimensional mobility in this sensitive area." In practical terms, the pad is only attached either end, and otherwise free to slip over the outer fabric to some degree.

It's a hard thing to gauge while you're actually in the saddle, but I did get a sense that – despite my various movements – there was no feeling that the outer and inner layers were pulling each other out of whack.

These elements are supplemented by 'WhirlKrater', which are ASSOS's ventilation holes inside the sitbone part of the pad, and 'KraterCooler', which are holes doing much the same job on the surface of the front of the pad.

Between these you get a slice of '3D waffle' (make your own joke there), which is a three-layer perforated foam. Then at the very bottom sits the 'Shock-Absorb Damping System Mono 9' – a single 9mm layer of compressive foam.

Jargon aside, you know what? When it comes to what matters – comfort – it's great. To be honest, I suspect that comes more from the way it's put together – the fit, stitching and articulation – rather than because of any magical padding. The pad itself feels springy rather than firm, and I suspect some riders may feel it lacks density. That's probably more of a personal preference thing, but it's worth mentioning when we're talking about a £215 outlay.

Beyond that, the main fabric is soft and smooth and you get the usual silicone grippers around the leg. The grippers run in a band of circles around the rear and sides of your thigh, but not on top where they're apparently vulnerable to sun damage. I can't say I've ever noticed this problem, but the back-and-sides system works perfectly well.

Sizing and fit

Assos has a tool on its website that will recommend a size based on your height, weight and age. "Age has an impact on how your weight is distributed," is the explanation for the last metric. While some may take issue with the implied assumptions, it recommended a large for me, and it fitted very well.

If I were to really nitpick, I'd say the straps are relatively taut, but not to the extent I felt the sizing was out. The mesh is relatively soft and light and decently stretchy.

Value

Cyclists happy to pay north of 200 notes for a pair of shorts aren't short of options.

In recent times, we've rated the Velocio Men's Luxe Bib Shorts (£217) highly and the Rapha Men's Pro Team Powerweave Bib Shorts too – although the latter are a good whack more expensive again at £300.

However, you can get exceptional shorts for less: the Kostüme Men's Bib Shorts got top marks in our review and cost £35 less at £180, for example, while the Albion ABR1 Bib Shorts earned themselves a 'Road.cc Recommends' and cost £145.

Overall

With the obvious proviso that we're all built differently (there's always a chance shorts just won't work for your shape), the catchily-named Schtradivari shorts (Schorts?) are among the best you'll find. They're some of the best I've ever worn. Frankly though, the 'Less Waste' sermon would work better printed on less wasteful packaging.

Verdict

Obvious quality and excellent comfort – only the auto-satirical packaging is misjudged