Does my idea of a perfect commuter jacket exist?

Gabba long sleeve  (or Perfetto as I belive Castelli calls it now).

Nice and fitted, warm as toast with the right base layers, breathable, rain repellent and available delivered to your door in an array of colours.

http://www.wiggle.co.uk/gore-wear-c7-windstopperr-pro-zip-off-jersey-dyn... seems close.

You'll get wet with sweat every time you ride in a fully waterproof jacket; they're like wearing a bin bag.  Go for something that'll withstand a shower and keep the wind out.

Pro Viz are not breathable at all - I'd rule the jacket out - but maybe the gilet over a jacket that fulfils all your criteria bar the reflectivity ?

I think your fully waterproof requirement is the crux, as it nobbles a couple of others.

Full waterproofing has generally meant poor breathability (whenever I've read reviews of jackets that claim proper waterproofing AND breathability they've been unconvinced, so I've remained skeptical).

If your jacket isn't breathable, you don't want a tight fit, because it'd be like wearing a plastic bag.

So... if I wanted a jacket to be fully waterproof I'd be resigned to getting one that's a bit baggy.

If you just want reasonable water resistance, there are decent options that tick your other boxes.