Cyclist catches driver watching adult film and 'spanking the monkey' in heavy London traffic

If you thought holding a mobile phone while driving — already illegal under Rule 149 of the Highway Code — couldn't get any worse, think again. 

A cyclist caught a driver watching an adult film on his mobile phone and indulging in an act of self-pleasure — or 'spanking the monkey' as described by the cyclist — while navigating heavy traffic at Cannon Street, London.

*Warning: NSFW images and swearing follow*

Greg was rolling merrily along Cannon Street listening to the Hoodoo Gurus when he came across the man holding the phone and driving a van owned by a security intelligence company. He exclaimed: "Another one! How is that? Watching videos, no idea. F****** hell!"

Both of them set off, and it's only until they come to a halt at a red light ahead that the cyclist realised what was going on inside the van cabin.

@markandcharlie @theJeremyVine @MikeyCycling

How is this one for a "distracted" driver! Driving past London Cannon Street at peak hour with pedestrians crossing everywhere while watching p0rn and spanking the monkey.

We have to share the roads with these people FFS! pic.twitter.com/WD8by4ewU0

— Greg N (@n00dles71) November 8, 2023

"F****** porn! Driving around and watching porn," he said out loud. "Are you f***** kidding me? He's having a w*** as well!"

Greg burst out laughing, probably much to the curiosity of the onlookers, blissfully unaware of the deeds of the driver, and maybe also the fact who they are sharing the road with.

> Driver caught using mobile phone launches foul-mouthed tirade at CyclingMikey — and accuses him of supporting Chelsea

He posted the video of the incident on Twitter, writing: "How is this one for a "distracted" driver! Driving past London Cannon Street at peak hour with pedestrians crossing everywhere while watching porn and spanking the monkey. We have to share the roads with these people FFS!"

Zoomed in from the original footage.... pic.twitter.com/IAbsFtglTb

— Greg N (@n00dles71) November 8, 2023

It has since been reported that the driver was sacked by Custom Intelligence Security after an 'urgent investigation'.

People on social media noted that the company which owns the van offers risk analysis as one of its services, while one person commented that the driver's usage wasn't very hands-free...

Channel 5 presenter Jeremy Vine who also frequently (almost daily) shares footage of drivers operating carelessly on the roads, reposted the video, saying: "Masturbating at the wheel of a vehicle while watching porn. This is extreme even for Cannon Street".

Good Lord!
Driving whilst unfit due to porn or orgasm.

Traffic section S69. 🍆✊💦

— Bob (@Cycling_Bob) November 9, 2023