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feature
Things cyclists hate July 201818 things that cyclists hate — duff rides you should try and avoid
We love cycling. No, we really love cycling, and we like to dwell on the positive whenever possible. But sometimes, just sometimes, it can be – what’s the word? – challenging.
Here are 18 things that we reckon every cyclist hates. Do you agree?
1 Clicking down a gear, only to find out you’re already in the lowest gear
That’s bad. Really bad.
2 Thinking you’re at the top of the hill, then discovering you aren’t
What, there’s more? How much more? Oh no!
3 The bonk
Blowing up, the hunger knock, hitting the wall… When you’re out of energy, it feels like the end of the world.
4 Creaks and squeaks
Is it the headset? The bottom bracket? The saddle rails? Your knees?
You can sometimes go around the whole bike systematically eliminating each individual component as the source of a mysterious noise until there are none left. And it still bloody creaks.
5 Red traffic lights
They’re especially bad if they’re at the bottom of a hill. All that momentum gone in a flash. Grrr!
6 Cold fingers
Still, it’s not as bad as the feeling of cold fingers coming back to life. That’s pure evil.
7 Punctures
It goes without saying, really.
8 You attack as hard as you can, check over your shoulder to see how much of a gap you have… and they’re still on your wheel
Bollocks.
9 Forgetting you’re clipped in until it’s too late
Don’t even try to make out it didn’t hurt. You’re fooling no one.
10 Your light goes out
You knew you should have recharged it, didn’t you?
11 It starts to rain the moment you put your kit on
You had nice weather all morning too. Also, while we’re at it: needing to use the toilet as soon as you put your bibs on.
12 Putting on wet kit for your commute home
It rained on the way into work this morning and the seatpad is still soggy. Urgh!
13 Unacknowledged waves
You wave or nod at a cyclist coming the other way and they don’t do it back. Rude!
14 Tyre sidewall splitting
The first you feel is a strange knocking coming from either the fork or the chainstays. If you’re really unlucky, within a few seconds you’ll hear a sound like a gunshot. That’s the inner tube exploding. Now you’re in trouble.
15 Getting dropped
From beginner to World Champion, it hurts just the same.
16 Running out of drink
This usually happens when you’re in the back of beyond, rarely when there’s a service station just around the corner.
17 The turbo
A lot of us do it, but only as a means to an end. You put up with the short-term pain for the long-term fitness gains. But you know there are some lunatics who actually enjoy it?
18 Getting caught in the rain
This usually happens just after you’ve cleaned your bike, when you’re wearing a white jersey, or on the day you forgot your waterproof. Or all three.
Over to you. What did we miss? Don’t hold back now!
Mat has been in cycling media since 1996, on titles including BikeRadar, Total Bike, Total Mountain Bike, What Mountain Bike and Mountain Biking UK, and he has been editor of 220 Triathlon and Cycling Plus. Mat has been road.cc technical editor for over a decade, testing bikes, fettling the latest kit, and trying out the most up-to-the-minute clothing. He has won his category in Ironman UK 70.3 and finished on the podium in both marathons he has run. Mat is a Cambridge graduate who did a post-grad in magazine journalism, and he is a winner of the Cycling Media Award for Specialist Online Writer. Now over 50, he's riding road and gravel bikes most days for fun and fitness rather than training for competitions.
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140 comments
I don't think it's a fad sir.
I'll bite. How does having discs change the simplicity of a ride? Unless you are in the habit of taking spare pads and inner wires with you, there is literally no difference in what you take on a ride and therefore no difference in "simplicity".
When all the CDs have run out, you'll be making bird scarers out of old, unwanted road brake discs, and Park will assemble them into a novelty pizza cutter - the edges are sharp enough by all accounts.
Joking apart, on the plus side the stopping power is better with discs, subject to tyre traction, and both systems can lock up a wheel. I guess your rims never wear out ( so no excuses for new hoops). The relative cons are: slightly more weight, expense, and mechanical complexity, especially if you go the hydraulic route.
Disc brakes on road bikes is the number 1 for me.. I will be glad when the fad is over
This, from a year ago, must be a comment and prediction on a par with 'I can't see this coronavirus nonsense causing us much trouble'. Road discs are the greatest thing since unsliced bread. It's only worth going to a reasonable amount of effort to live in the past.
Isn't this one of the biggest issues in road cycling? The 'tradition' that because Bartoli, Coppi, Merckx, etc used them, so they're good enough for 'us' in 2020?
Lightweight frames, disc brakes, electronic groupsets, decent warm & waterproof clothes - are all progress.
Reynolds steel frame, rim brakes, down tube shifters, brake cables like the rigging on Cutty Sark - a typical me set-up: it makes me wonder how I get about.
Well, mainly because they're just . . . better. I disagree that they're unnecessary, having scared myself silly descending off the Col des Glieres (8km of hairpins at 13%) on carbon rims in the wet. I disagree that they spoil the sleek lines of a road bike - rim brakes clogging up the forks and seat-stays do so to a greater extent whereas discs are relatively hidden on the wheels. I completely agree that disc brakes and everything associated with them are ridiculously over-priced though. In summary, you can keep your rim brakes, I'll keep my disc brakes and we agree to disagree.
Ah 6. The pain of defrosting fingers is the absolute worst!
I used to feel sick and dizzy as they warmed up after a frosty commute
People who have to put everything on Strava
Get dressed and trussed for a winter ride, get the bike out ready to ride then get took short and dash for the loo phoo! Shit, that was close!
Roadworks
Waiting on a guy in your group who gets 5 punctures in a row...
You've been optimistic about the temperature, your kit is not adequate, 45 mn later when already far away you know you will be completely frozen.
You have a puncture, repair, resume your ride annnnd then 200 meters later you puncture again ! you forgot to inspect the tyre ...
Snot expulsion clearance failure
Nearly half of those peaves can be fixed by riding to power:
There's more hill, i'd still be doing 300watts if it were downhill.
There's a traffic light, opportunity to lower heart rate (doesn't matter what's next)
Running out of gears, lower cadence stick to power or get out of the saddle for a bit.
Other people drop you? they don't exist anyway, it's you vs you.
You get to the darkest part of the commute home, flick your light to full power ... and discover that it already is.
Closed road - ignore it you can always get through. They are never closed for pedestrians.
# 1 – Crashing, especially the broken bones/broken bike variety
# 2 – Verbal abuse, dodging thrown missiles and physical assault
# 3 – Inconsiderate drivers
# 4 – Punctures
# 5 – Mechanicals
# 6 – Big repair bills
# 7 – Being stranded with major break down
# 8 – The feeling that you are riding into a headwind no matter which direction you are riding
# 9 – Constant traffic light stops
#10 – Pot holes
#11 – Heavy roads
#12 – Being caught out in atrocius weather
#13 – The hunger knock
#14 – Headwinds
#15 – Pedestrians who cross the road but don't bother looking
#16 - Cramps, especially the ones that wake you in the middle of the night!
#17 – Cyclists who give cycling a bad name
#18 – Having your Strava time annihilated despite riding eyeballs out
#19 - Finding out your pro hero is a dope fiend
#20 – Missing out on my daily fix.........My bike ride
Getting caught in the rain: Well, maybe sometimes a light shower towards the end of a longish ride in some serious summer heat and humidity, such as we get in the Ohio River Valley.
1. Creaks and squeaks. After eliminating all other possibilities, discovered it was the harness in my helmet.
2. Dogs on extendable leads are NOT under effective control of the owner.
3. Being followed on Strava by your boss. Should I post the afternoon ride when I left early?
Being overtaken on a wet road by a cyclist with no mudguards.
Being overtaken on a wet road (or even being passed going the other way) by a tuck - all that luvverly spray!
Exits from building sites - road all covered in mud.
The surface of the Stratford Greenway when its not properly dry!
Being close-passed by fast roadies
Something that does slightly get my goat: all these people at sportives pushing their bikes to/from the car park/wherever, when it would be quicker and easier to ride. I mean... why?
Cold feet and toes.
Road resurfacing and the loose chippings sign
"4 Creaks and squeaks
Is it the headset? The bottom bracket? The saddle rails? Your knees?
You can sometimes go around the whole bike systematically eliminating each individual component as the source of a mysterious noise until there are none left. And it still bloody creaks."
Doing all the above and finding all I had to do was to re-tighten the friggin' rear QR! Arrggghh!
19. Meeting someone for a ride:
"Sorry mate, can't meet at 8.00 now, can we do 9:30?"
So you turn up at their house...
"Sorry mate, just got the bike out, got a flat tyre..."
Then, puncture repaired using your tyre levers, tube and c02, you set off...
"Sorry mate, I've got to be home by 10..."
- Getting to work and realising you've forgotten your work clothes.
- The worst one for me was misjudging the forecast and the wind gets strong enough to close the tay bridge central walkway, meaning the commute home turns from a 20 mile ride into a 60 mile detour, and you only have a 500ml bottle and no food/money. That's not fun
No. 17!!
How cold is it in that conservatory??? Why does anyone need toe covers on a turbo?
Be it in a cafe, shop or having to momentarily get off the bike to navigate a pedestrian footbridge, and realising I have an erection.
Fucking embarrassing !
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