We love cycling. No, we really love cycling, and we like to dwell on the positive whenever possible. But sometimes, just sometimes, it can be – what’s the word? – challenging.
Here are 18 things that we reckon every cyclist hates. Do you agree?
1 Clicking down a gear, only to find out you’re already in the lowest gear
That’s bad. Really bad.
2 Thinking you’re at the top of the hill, then discovering you aren’t
What, there’s more? How much more? Oh no!
3 The bonk
Blowing up, the hunger knock, hitting the wall… When you’re out of energy, it feels like the end of the world.
4 Creaks and squeaks
Is it the headset? The bottom bracket? The saddle rails? Your knees?
You can sometimes go around the whole bike systematically eliminating each individual component as the source of a mysterious noise until there are none left. And it still bloody creaks.
5 Red traffic lights
They’re especially bad if they’re at the bottom of a hill. All that momentum gone in a flash. Grrr!
6 Cold fingers
Still, it’s not as bad as the feeling of cold fingers coming back to life. That’s pure evil.
7 Punctures
It goes without saying, really.
8 You attack as hard as you can, check over your shoulder to see how much of a gap you have… and they’re still on your wheel
Bollocks.
9 Forgetting you’re clipped in until it’s too late
Don’t even try to make out it didn’t hurt. You’re fooling no one.
10 Your light goes out
You knew you should have recharged it, didn’t you?
11 It starts to rain the moment you put your kit on
You had nice weather all morning too. Also, while we’re at it: needing to use the toilet as soon as you put your bibs on.
12 Putting on wet kit for your commute home
It rained on the way into work this morning and the seatpad is still soggy. Urgh!
13 Unacknowledged waves
You wave or nod at a cyclist coming the other way and they don’t do it back. Rude!
14 Tyre sidewall splitting
The first you feel is a strange knocking coming from either the fork or the chainstays. If you’re really unlucky, within a few seconds you’ll hear a sound like a gunshot. That’s the inner tube exploding. Now you’re in trouble.
15 Getting dropped
From beginner to World Champion, it hurts just the same.
16 Running out of drink
This usually happens when you’re in the back of beyond, rarely when there’s a service station just around the corner.
17 The turbo
A lot of us do it, but only as a means to an end. You put up with the short-term pain for the long-term fitness gains. But you know there are some lunatics who actually enjoy it?
18 Getting caught in the rain
This usually happens just after you’ve cleaned your bike, when you’re wearing a white jersey, or on the day you forgot your waterproof. Or all three.
Over to you. What did we miss? Don’t hold back now!
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140 comments
Traffic lights all on red when you're flying, traffic lights all on green when you're knackered!
Factious list articles.
goats
Water running down the road towards you.
But, the list of good stuff is far longer!
Half wheelers!
Nr 5 - Red lights at bottom of hill, I used to commute via Muswell Hill in London with lights at the bottom of a cracking hill, it was a real skill to read the timings from the top by how many cars were waiting where to ensure rocketing though at full speed. Now here, one of my routes that used to be great has a set of lightshalfway down, that seem to have a bike sensor that goes red when you're exactly at the point it's too late to dash through, but not so far back that you can do anything other than brake HARD !
Nr 18 also usually occurs (if you don't havewaterproofs with you, as when you left it was perfectly blue skies and no forecast even of clouds) at the furthers point possible from home, and normally exactly havfway between the only 2 bridges on the route there is to shelter under.
Been there, done that. used to commute Wathamstow to Brent Cross and Muswell Hill heading home was FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUN until the lights changed as you neared the bottom... Where I am now, they recently installed new traffic lights halfway down the 2 best hills we have here...
Disc brakes that yowl in the rain.
Rubbing disc brakes
Squeaky chain
Rear derailleur needs indexing
Washing a wet lubed chain
Slow strava times in winter
Dog walkers with no leads or extendable leads
Broken spokes when you are setup tubeless
Closed cycle route. With no detour signs or advice.
Scottish Borders Council are great at this - and being a spectacularly sparsely populated area, the diversions are often 15+ miles extra with plenty of hills as well... The party of Danish cyclotourists I encountered when SBC closed NCN1 loved their diversion (only 9 miles and 300ft of ascent from where I intercepted them rather than having a 7 mile double back and 9mi/300ft)
"Cyclists dismount"
Or as today, detour on the cycle path with only one sign saying where to leave but nothing saying where to rejoin. Leading to a 20 minute safari around the urban jungle.
The other day I took a wrong turn on an unfamiliar estate and found myself in a amaze of twisty little passages, all alike. So I switched on the satnav ... isn't that what everyone does?
Finding the cafe closed...
Finding the Cafe open but they've run out of cake!
Seem to be missing cars driven by twats.
Indeed, a lot of the stuff listed irritates me but I don't hate, I hate tw@ts that can kill another human being
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