18 things that cyclists hate — duff rides you should try and avoid

Headwind
Red traffic light while going uphill

Disc brakes on road bikes is the number 1 for me.  Why ruin the sleek lines of a road bike with that overpriced, overweight and totally unecessary nonsense - I will be glad when the fad is over.

cycling along at just the right speed - only to see someone ahead going just a little bit slower

which means that I have to  either

a) catch up with them and then accelerate to a faster speed than I want to go in order to not creep past them at an embarrassingly slow relative speed - leaving me exposed in the middle of the road while I pass them and then having them right on my tail - then having to keep up the faster speed - which is faster than I want - for an extended time so that it doesn;t look like I speeded up just to pass them - all the while praying they don;t speed up as well

or

b) slowing down to their speed but then having to go slower than I want and worrying that I look like a stalker or weirdo - especially if it mostly women in front (I am a 59 year old overweight bald bloke)

I suppose there is a possibility that I over think these things

Your PRIVATES going numb on the saddle and then the feeling coming back.

Slipping of the clip in pedal and crashing your Nuts on the toptube.

Wanting a pee badly, but your in the middle of a built up area and there is a Police Car behind you.

Getting a bloody wasp stuck in your helmet and -  even in your sleeve of your top hanging in the garage so it stings your armpit several times as you put it on and cant get it off quick enough.

Thinking that you can cycle through a ford - and then finding out you cant and riding home soaking wet and smelly.

Battling to work against a 30mph headwind, only to discover on the way home that it has done a complete 180.

Bruised palms on flat bars (even with ergo grips).
Riding with cap before realizing memory failed to grab helmet.
Headaches on rest day

Really fast riders who aren't on Strava, so you can't check them out on flyby later on to make sure they do much more training than you do. Just rude..

Rubber hoods on shifters when you are doing any sort of cockpit maintenance and need to roll them back without ripping them and without them getting in the way and making you round a hex bolt.

Doing an all-out effort on an uphill Strava segment only to find that you stopped 2 meters before the end point, which is stupidly just in front of the white line at the junction..

Non-cyclists asking you why you like cycling so much and spend so much time doing it, thus forcing you to explain the inexplicable with pretentious cliches.

Becoming hypothermic on a ride with friends because they are quite slow and your clothing choices were made assuming your usual pace. Then your friends thinking you're in a huff because they are slow, when in fact it's just that your face is frozen and you can't speak properly.

Buying the latest kit that promises the world, then realising it's just the same as five or six other similar items you own.

How about the git that accelerates past you and then quickly dismounts. 

Fuckwits weaving along the road in front of you whilst wearing headphones: They should be banned for joggers, walkers and cyclists. 

A weekend of rain followed by a lovely Monday, which then turns to shit at 4.55pm, just as you're about to leave work. 

Bus drivers who try to kill you before telling you to get on the cycle path. 

Having to avoid dickheads who try to drive whilst staring at the phone in their lap, then mouth obscenities to you for berating them. 

Getting dropped by my fitness freak cycling buddy in the middle of nowhere every time we go out, even though we are on a social ride, because he 'has' to throw in another training session. That's why I prefer to ride on my own. 

'Serious' cyclists giving me a bad name by cycling through red lights. 

Why does the replacement tube I put in always go down in really shitty weather, even though I have checked the tyre numerous times and found nothing.

The weather 'experts' constantly getting the weather completely wrong.

Post 2012 Olympics modern cyclists not saying hello.

And what is it with those ridiculous 3 mile long leads which stretch across the cycle path, when you can't even see the dog, it's so far away?

Being bollocked by drivers who complain that my lights are too bright and shouldn't be on during the daytime. It's for your benefit dickheads, so that you don't knock me off and claim not'to have seen me'

Being knocked off or nearly taken out by drivers who claim 'not to have seen me'. What they really mean is they weren't paying attention.

I feel better now. Much better. Until tomorrow morning when I cycle to work and the madness starts again. 

Getting all your kit on only to then realise you need a piss.

The chain coming off near the top of a steep hill and having to get back in cleats at the steepest point 😖

Getting a puncture just before the start of a climb having already done 50 or 60 miles.  Several minutes reparing/replacing the tube and the legs just scream at you when you get back on.  The climb ahead just got steeper and you know it is gonna hurt.

Snapping a hanger before starting a climb and lunching your derailleur arms in the chainstay.

Luckily you aren't far from your parents house but you have to drive their car because they aren't driving and your wife is working from home and can't leave to get you. You drive home wearing lycra and no shoes and get a bit of sweat rash where you don't want one because you left the lycra on too long. People also look at you very oddly at the petrol station.

Once home you find everywhere is out of parts and then wait nearly 2 weeks for new derailleur. Luckily you have a mtb but that's horrible to ride on road but you don't want to burden the NHS but smashing yourself up on a trail so do it anyway.

Accidentally pausing or deleting a ride before you have uploaded it to Strava. 

Zombie features on Road.cc that weren't all that the first time around. 

The whole lockdown thing (Dec 20)

 And it still bloody creaks.

I had this on my Merlin. Paul Hewitt suggested it could be the band-on front mech. This made no sense at all, but copper grease inside the band solved it! On the Vitus gravel it turned out to be the 12 mm through axle/ rear drop out combination.

Hello, readers of the future, if indeed any of you survive The Plague.  Dec 2020 here - we're still babbling on about disc brakes, some people still think Ebikes are cheating, and Tao G-H won the Giro this year and only got a two-second mention on SPoTY for his pains.

I'll add 

- Something on the bike feeling draggy, but you can't work out what: it's not the gears or brakes, the bottom bracket is fine

- Being just about to go out for a ride on the ebike and realising you forgot to charge the battery

I hate it that when you have ridden 60 miles to your next touring stop, the place you are staying is always up a steep hill, especially the case in Wales. Try Snowdon to Conway Youth Hostel, or even worse Holyhead to the hostel at Rowen. Now there are very few people who would be able to ride that hill. We walked it, and then slipped on the 1 in 4 section. 600 ft in less than a mile to get to 823ft from sea level. There was a good view and we had brought some beer to enjoy while looking out over it. Worse than the Bealach na Bà, and I've done both on a touring bike with luggage, though both involved some walking. At least on the Bealach you go back down to sea level.

Traffic lights not turning green for you because the sensors in the road haven't registered your presence due to you having a carbon frame and carbon wheels.
Temporary traffic lights on a steep hill, going uphill, when you have to stop. You know there is a couple of hundred metres before you clear the roadworks, normally with a queue of impatient drivers behind you and the oncoming traffic on a green light.

4 Creaks and squeaks
Is it the headset? The bottom bracket? The saddle rails? Your knees?

No - it was a smart-alec bird that managed to chirp exactly in time with my crank rotations, as a slogged up a steep hill